Are We Really Apart?
by Nix1978
Summary: This will be a multi chapter fic based after Emily has left the BAU and makes for London. All about M/P sequels to Fallback and I'll Miss You More
1. Chapter 1

**The first chapter of this story is 'I'll miss you more' with the M rated stuff taken out… I realise that may put some people off, but I want to do a multi chapter fic based on the whole London thing. So if you read 'I'll miss you more', skip this chapter and go straight to chapter 2.**

It was five weeks since the wedding and things had moved rapidly. Emily had handed her resignation in the day she spoke to Hotch and not wanting to dwell on her decision, she only worked the necessary one month's notice and now she was packed and ready to fly off to London.

Derek tried really hard to remain supportive about her decision and outwardly happy for her, but it had been tough. They'd talked about her new job. Where she'd live. Who she'd be working for. Who'd be working with her….. Everything. They'd spoken about everything…. Apart from one thing…. Them.

There'd been awkward glances across the round table as Garcia joked about how Emily was going to find herself a handsome rich Brit to sweep her off her feet. Awkward silences when they were left alone on occasion on a case and all they both wanted to do was say something about 'them', but neither had the courage. They'd argued as Morgan insisted on taking her to the airport and she said no, because it would just be too hard. She couldn't handle the goodbye.

So as he stood at her front door on the day she was leaving, his heart pounded against his chest. He raised his shaking hand three times before plucking up the courage to tap at the door.

She knew that knock. She knew it was him. She felt a nervousness bubbling in her stomach immediately …. What was he doing here?

Opening the door, she was about to ask him just that, but he started before she had chance.

"Please don't argue with me Emily. I'm taking you to the airport."

She didn't argue. She just moved aside to let him in.

"I've ordered a cab." She informed him as he walked past her and stood in the middle of the apartment that looked no different to normal. He had expected boxes… an empty room, but everything was all still there.

"Cancel the cab…..." He told her, turning to meet her stare. "….And why haven't you packed?"

"I'm not giving the apartment up. They're paying for me to live in London, but I'll have to come back to Interpol offices in the States. I need a base here too. I insisted on it."

"That's good…" He smiled weakly, feeling a little wave of relief flow over him, "….What can I do?"

"There's a couple of bags in my bedroom. You could go and grab them and I'll make us something to eat. I don't need to be at the airport for a few hours and I need to use up some of this food. The rest is going in the bin."

"Ok."

He slowly walked in to the familiar bedroom. Although it had been a few months since he had been there last, everything was the same. The burgundy linen on the bed. Her clothes from the day before hung over the back of the small velvet covered chair in the corner of the room. The familiar mix of scents from her shampoo, perfume and body cream…  
That beautiful sweet scent he remembered waking up to on so many occasions. The scent that he would sometimes get a waft of as he passed her in the bull pen or sat next to her on the jet and it would always take his mind right back to this room. The scent that she had left on his pillow so many times and that he would leave washing for a little longer than he should…..

As he looked around, his gaze eventually came to rest upon the two bags on her bad. One holdall and one mid sized suitcase. With a heavy feeling in his chest, he picked them up and began to turn to leave the room, but he halted when something caught his eye that had been hidden under the black holdall.

Setting the bags down, he smiled as he leant over and picked up the gift he had bought her a few years ago… It was the second Christmas he had known her and their 'friends with benefits' relationship had been going for just under a year. The team had a rule of not buying presents for one another at Christmas… but he broke it that year…. And every year ever since.

_He had taken the gift with him to Quantico on the day they were supposed to finish for the holidays. He was flying off to Chicago the following day and Emily was grudgingly spending the time with her parents. The inner rebellious teenager that came out in her when she spoke about them made him laugh and was something that he had teased her about on more than one occasion, which usually earned him the 'death stare' from her. _

_When a case came in during the early afternoon of that day, whilst everyone else tutted and complained, he was sure he saw a look of slight relief on the brunette's face._

_It was thirty minutes until they were to fly out to Minnesotta and Morgan entered the bull pen, walking up behind her, where she was packing things from her desk ready for the trip._

"_Emily….." He said in a low tone, touching her elbow gently to grab her attention._

"_Yes?" She replied with a smile, glancing up at him and then back to what she was doing. The smile only confirmed that she was definitely pleased they had a case and wouldn't be subjected to her parent's company for the next few days._

_He laughed and shook his head at her strange ways._

"_What are you laughing at?" She asked with a look of confusion._

"_Nothing." He uttered with a slight shake of the head, unable to subdue his smirk._

_With annoyance written all over her face she continued, "What did you want anyway?"_

"_Oh yeah, um, can I have a word….. In private." He asked, nodding his head towards the door that led out of the bull pen._

"_Sure."_

_He led her to one of the vacant interview rooms._

"_Morgan, what's going on?" She asked, turning to face him after he had signalled for her to enter before him._

"_I got you something." He told her._

_She looked at his hands which were empty, "Well where is it?"_

_He smiled and then began to pull his T-shirt out of his jeans waistband._

"_Whoa, what are you doing….?" She exclaimed, "…. We are not doing this here." She told him firmly._

_Morgan rolled his eyes and chuckled, "You really think I'm going to get naked here Emily?"_

_She shrugged with a smirk, "So what is it then?"_

_She watched him reach around his back and pull something out of his waistband. He revealed a package, wrapped in dark red paper, with a fine black ribbon tied around it._

"_Happy Christmas Emily." He muttered, holding the gift out to her, his eyes suddenly serious._

_Her mouth fell open just a little and then smiled warmly, letting her head lean to the side just a little, "But we said we weren't going to buy presents."_

_He shrugged, "Rules are there to be broken Emily. You know that." He winked._

_She chuckled and then took the gift slowly and delicately off him as if it were made of fine glass. As soon as she held it and felt the weight, she knew it was a book. _

"_Go on then. Open it." He encouraged._

"_But it's not Christmas Day yet." She said, not really wanting to wait. Just confirming her permission to open it._

"_I don't care… plus, lord only knows what we'll be doing on Christmas day. Examining dead bodies? Chasing unsubs?"_

"_True." She agreed, but rather than get to work on the gift, she just kept her stare on him without making a move._

_He placed his fingers gently underneath the parcel and raised it a little toward her, "Go on then."_

_She opened the small card that was stuck onto the paper and read it to herself, 'To Emily. Happy Christmas. I'll miss you. All my love, Derek x'. _

_She suddenly felt guilty for her glee that their Christmas had been cancelled. Looking up to him, she smiled sadly, "Sorry you're not going to get to see your family." _

_He shrugged, "Oh well. There are some advantages to that," He said with a quick raise of the eyebrows, "…open it then." He continued a little impatiently._

_Laughing inwardly at his excitement, she gently pulled the end of the ribbon, which easily unravelled, and then peeled the paper open. She smiled upon seeing the familiar dust jacket artwork._

"_Slaughterhouse five?" She said._

"_Yes…." He answered, gently opening the front cover to reveal the yellowing pages, "…But not just any Slaughterhouse five. It's the 1969 first edition. I wanted to get you a signed copy but….."_

"_No…" She said hastily, waving him away, "… This is amazing. It's a really generous of you. I don't know what to say." _

_She knew from her own research how much this kind of thing cost… a signed copy would have cost the price of a small car. _

"_You deserve much more…" He uttered, with a contemplative smile._

_She reached out her hand and lightly touched his arm, "Thank you Derek. But I feel so bad I didn't get you anything. I don't know how to make it up to you."_

_Then she saw that mischievous grin creep across his face as he took a step forward and snaked his hands around her waist and under her suit jacket, "I do." He whispered._

_She raised a brow in an attempt to protest, but she quickly succumbed to his touch. She leant in and let their lips meet, but only for a brief moment, "This…" She began, closing the gap once again and pecking his lips, then pulling away just a fraction, "…. will have to…." This kiss lasted a little longer, "….. wait buddy…." And she gave another kiss, contradicting her own words, "…We have serial killers to catch."_

_He scrunched his face up in disappointment, and pulled her in a little tighter, "Ok. If we must." He sighed mockingly in defeat._

_She let her hand wonder up his back and rest upon the nape of his neck, "Thank you though. It is lovely." She whispered, before leaning in for one last kiss before they parted._

He perched on the edge of the bed and let the novel fall open in the palm of his hand. After this one he'd bought her two more first editions, 'Utopia 14' which was Vonnegut's first ever novel published in 1954 and 'Mother Night', for which he'd managed to get a signed copy.

'_You are who you pretend to be, so be careful who you pretend to be'._ They had never mentioned that since she'd been back from Paris. He had always wondered if the significance of that line had been apparent to her when they had quoted it at each other with such joy all those years ago….. He certainly could never look at that book in the same way.

The pages fell open and revealed a small card, folded in half. He picked it up and opened it, immediately recognising his own handwriting.…. _'I'll miss you. All my love, Derek x'_

He shook his head…. Why didn't she get it? Why couldn't she read his mind? Why didn't she realise she'd always had all of his love? They weren't just empty words back then, and now she was leaving…..

"Hey Derek…." She called to him as she walked into the room, "…..What's taking you so lo….."

She paused upon seeing him… the small shake of the head. His shoulders slumped, sat on the edge of her bed. As he noticed her presence, he immediately looked up to her, attempting to mask his sadness with a smile, but it didn't work.

She took a few more steps so she was stood in front of him and removed the book from his hands. Looking at the small card, she smiled, remembering everything about that Christmas.

She traced her thumb over the words, _'I'll miss you. All my love, Derek x'_

Gazing down at him, she knew this was her last chance to tell him the same thing. Why was it so hard? It was so hard because it made it reality. The exact same reason she didn't want him to take her to the airport… because seeing his face for the last time as she went through that gate, she knew there would be no turning back. There would be no seeing him at work the next day. No calling him up to come round for dinner or a movie. No turning up at his place late at night when she just needed him. No….

She opened her mouth to speak, but before she could, he was taking the book from her grasp and placing it down upon the mattress. Without saying a word, he reached his arms around her waist and pulled her towards him, so she was stood between his legs. She let her body lean against him and her hand fall upon the top of his head, gently tracing down the back, caressing his skin as she did. He held her tight and let his cheek rest against her stomach.

He took a deep breath and closed his eyes, taking in the feel of her body against him when he suddenly felt her soft lips press against the top of his scull and her arms wrap around his shoulders. He turned and kissed the fabric against her stomach and when she did nothing but hold on a little tighter, he snaked his strong arms around her waist.

She had longed for his touch once again for the last few weeks, but more so since the wedding. As she had held on to him whilst they danced, she could feel his heavy heart beat against her palm as he gripped the back of her hand so tight. As they swayed, their cheeks moulded against one another and she had wanted nothing but to stay in those strong arms all night. But as the music stopped and they pulled apart, Garcia came along to whisk her off to say goodbye to JJ and Will. As the techie had dragged her away, he kept hold of her hand for as long as he could and she just saw the sad, hurt look in his eyes as their fingers tips fell apart and she walked away.

A short while later, she found him in Rossi's kitchen on his cell.

_"What you doing?" She asked as he hung up. _

"_Just ordering a cab." He told her, trying to force a smile._

_She took a step towards him, closing the gap. "Derek, I'm sorry." _

_He shook his head, "You shouldn't be sorry Emily. If this is what it takes for you to be happy, then I'm not going to try and talk you out of it, no matter how much I want you to stay."_

"_I haven't made my mind up yet"_

"_Yes…." He nodded his head, "… Yes you have." He said as a matter of fact._

_She paused and took a deep breath, knowing he was right. Her gaze fell downward, unable to hold his stare... That was until she felt his warm breath against her cheek and his strong hands touching her hips just slightly. Her chest rose heavily as she shifted her face upward and her lips met his. She melted into the kiss and into his arms, but then it hit her... What she was actually going to do. It hit her so hard that she stuttered and broke away from him._

_As soon as she did she saw that look.… those dark eyes full of horror, confusion and hurt... A look she'd seen all too often lately._

"_Derek..." She bargained._

_He shook his head, "I'm sorry Emily." _

"_No don't be. I…."_

_He wouldn't let her finish. "I shouldn't have done that. I'm sorry." _

"_But..." _

_She just caught the glisten of moisture in his eyes before he turned and walked away from her…. Before she could finish her words..._

_It wasn't meant to go that way. She was supposed to tell him that she would miss him too... She was supposed to tell him that it didn't mean that they had to change ...whatever it was they had... She was supposed to tell him what he meant to her…._

_She was supposed to tell him he didn't need that cab, because she had already booked one for them... But it didn't work out that way._

He knew he had missed this... He knew had missed her, but he didn't realise how much until this moment. She was so familiar, yet so mysterious. They knew each other bodies inside out. They had done this so many times, but he still got that small rush of excitement as if it were the first time with her every time. She had an effect on him no woman ever had….

He had to take in the sight of her before him... It would be a long time before he would see it again... Or would it? Even though their 'relationship' had had its ups and downs, there was always a part of him that had felt _they_ were safe…. That at some point they would be back with each other. But now…. Now she was leaving and all he could feel was a huge sinking feeling in the pit of his stomach…..

He swallowed hard and hoped he'd masked his sudden wave of sadness as he thought about this possibly being the last time he would ever see this... Her beautiful, flawless ivory skin. Her long legs. Her kissable lips. That smile. That hair. That touch. That giggle... Emily….

"Derek...?" He heard her whisper.

He shook himself out of his trance and focused on her questioning eyes,

"Derek, what's the matter….?" She asked softly as she sat up, taking his sad face in her hands. "…Talk to me."

"Nothing." He muttered unconvincingly.

She knew he was lying... And she knew what was wrong, because she felt it too. But she was determined she wouldn't screw up their last few hours like she had the last few weeks… or if she was honest, the last few years. She was flying to London in five hours and she wanted every last piece of him before she left.

So, she shifted her body forward and stared into his eyes hard, willing him to read them….

He was the only person in her life that she felt safe with, entirely. And she wanted him to see that. She wanted him to know what she was willing to give him…. And that was all of her…. He _had_ all of her. She wanted him to take it.

~~CM~~

They lay a top the burgundy linen, the sunshine beating down on their naked, clammy bodies. They had remained silent for only a few minutes as their breathing calmed and their heartbeats returned to some normality.

He pulled her body into his a little more by squeezing his strong arm that was lain behind her back.

"So this is it then?" He murmured, the finality in his tone unsettling her.

"I'm not gonna be away forever. I am coming back. I'm keeping this place remember?"

"It won't be the same though will it? I can't do this over Skype you know?" He said leaning in closer and gently kissing her forehead.

She smiled onto his chest, "No, but you can come and visit."

"You want me to?" He whispered.

"I'd be pretty pissed if you didn't…." She chuckled and then paused, a little nervous "….You know, things between us don't have to change. I mean this….."

He closed his eyes and let the smallest of smiles creep across his face in relief, "Good. Because I don't want it to Emily."

But the truth was he did want it to change. He wanted much much more. But starting that conversation five hours before her plane was about to leave probably was not the greatest idea he had ever had.

"So. When are you coming home?" He asked.

"Derek, I haven't left yet."

"But once you're settled at your new office and got them all in line you can work from home more right?"

"I don't think that means a few thousand miles away though."

"Three thousand, six hundred and sixty three." He stated.

"What?"

"Three thousand six hundred and sixty three... That's how many miles you'll be away from me."

He felt her warm breath on his chest as she giggled, "Did Reid tell you that?"

"Oi…." He said jabbing her rib playfully, "…..Firstly, I figured that out myself, and secondly, please don't mention that kids name whilst I'm lying butt naked with you."

She chuckled and propped herself up on one elbow to face him, staring into his dark eyes. He watched as the smile faded from hers and suddenly became so serious.

"What…?" He murmured, absently stroking her bare shoulder.

She closed the gap between them and placed a gentle kiss on his inviting lips... "I'll miss you more," She whispered against his mouth.


	2. Chapter 2

**So this is pretty short…. Sorry, but I haven't posted anything for ages as I've been on holiday and wanted to get something out… So here is a little teaser.**

He stood to the side as she took the last few steps towards the check in desk. He watched her intently, taking in every inch of her, knowing that this would be the last time he'd see her in the flesh for some time. He watched her fingers gently grasp the passport and gracefully hand it to the lady behind the counter…. Gracefully…. How do you manage to hand a passport over gracefully? He wasn't sure, but he knew that's exactly what Emily Prentiss did, always, without even trying.

"Are you two travelling together?" The young blond woman asked from behind the desk, looking from Morgan then to Emily.

"Er, no." The brunette answered disappointedly, the end of the last word trailing off as if she just realised.

"Ok…" The blond smiled, "…..two bags is it?"

"Yes…." Emily nodded. "…. I'm staying out there for a while." She added, feeling the need to justify two bags.

"Lovely, can you just put them on the conveyor belt please."

As Emily went to reach down, Morgan beat her to it and grabbed for the bags, placing them down as directed.

The younger woman glanced up at Emily with a little raise of the brow and small, warm smile…. A smile that said, 'he's a sweetie'….. and Emily couldn't help but return the smile with understanding, then looking over to Derek who returned to stand dutifully at her side, oblivious to the women's silent acknowledgement of him.

"Ok, you'll be departing from gate forty five which opens in just under fifteen minutes. You should make you way there now." The chirpy woman said, handing back Emily's passport and boarding pass.

She gripped the documents as they walked slowly towards departures, stopping a few meters short of the security check.

Emily looked down at her watch.

"I guess I better go through now. Not much time till I have to board." She almost sighed.

"Yeah. Sorry for making you late." He forced a smirk, but there was a sadness behind those eyes.

And they just stood and stared at each other, neither of them knowing what they should say or do next….. and this was exactly why she hadn't wanted him to bring her here. This was just too hard.

She suddenly felt tightness in her stomach and a wave of nervousness flow throughout her entire body and he spotted it straight away.

Her lips took a downward turn and he watched the colour in her face drain away.

"Hey…." He started softly, "….. You ok?"

She pursed her lips and he saw her jaw quiver as she tried desperately to prevent her tears.

He wanted to stop it. He couldn't bare to see that face, so all he could do was pull her into him and wrap his strong arms around her shoulders, her head naturally falling against his chest.

"It's ok….." He whispered into her dark tresses, at the same time closing his eyes and taking in her beautiful scent. "…..You're gonna be absolutely fine."

There was a short silence….

"What am I doing?" He just about heard her mumble into him.

And right at that moment, hearing her broken words, he wanted to squeeze her tighter and tell her to stay…. Tell her to stay for him…. For them….. For everything they could have together. She'd given him a taste and he wanted more.

At that second he realised how much he had taken for granted. He thought she'd always be there. That he would always be able to run to her…He cursed himself for not learning his lesson when he thought he'd lost her once before….. and he hated himself for it.

But as he felt her body against his, clinging onto him like a scared child about to be taken away he knew he had to do this one thing for her; He swallowed hard, took a deep breath and placed his hands around her slender arms reluctantly prising her body from his.

He looked her straight in the eyes,

"Emily…. This isn't forever, but you need to do this. You need to go and find out if this is right for you. If it's what you want. And if it's not…..?" He smiled, gently tucking a piece of wayward hair behind her ear, "….. then come home. It's that easy." He whispered.

That familiar gentle tone calmed her and she gratefully smiled, knowing this was killing him inside. As much as he tried not to show it, from the moment she had told him she'd been thinking of leaving since she'd been back, he could not mask the hurt behind those dark eyes.

The way he held her earlier in her bedroom…. It was desperate and pleading. So now…. Now when he's looking at her with those same sad sad eyes, trying so hard to be strong for her. To encourage her. To support her…..Just made her question herself even more… What on earth was she doing leaving this behind?

But she had to go. She had to try. Whatever she was feeling now, she knew that something wasn't right with her life in DC. Time away in London would give her time to think. To figure it out.

"Derek…." She said softly, "…Thank you."

He frowned questioningly, "What for?"

"For everything…"

"I didn't do anything." He murmured.

She chuckled slightly at his oblivion to his own ability to read her and always say the right thing, despite how he felt.

"I really am going to miss you." She whispered, unable to stop the moisture welling in her eyes.

He placed one hand on her cheek, tracing her soft skin with his thumb, wiping away the wetness.

"I'm gonna miss you too….." He swallowed, the backs of his eyes stinging from the pressure the tears were bearing, "…..more then you'll know."

His words broke at the end, but he took a deep breath and stopped himself. He didn't want her sat on a flight for nine hours with a picture imprinted on her mind of his sad face or a feeling of guilt in her heart. No….. He _would_ be strong…. For her.

"I meant it you know." She said

"What?"

"You coming to visit."

She watched as his eyes crinkled at the sides, shining back at her as he smiled, "Try and stop me….." He winked, "…..And in the mean time, thanks to Miss Penelope Garcia we have this new fangled thing called Facetime or something."

She laughed, "You sound like Rossi."

"Hey…." He protested playfully, his brow dipping making her laugh a little more.

He made sure to burn that image in his mind. That smile…. That laugh…. Those eyes.

His face softened and his pout turned to a small smile and his eyes bore into hers.

"I'm just a click away….." He uttered, nodding towards the iPad sticking out of her bag. "….Anytime night or day. Ok?"

"You too." She nodded pursing her lips together. He blink rate increased as the moisture began to swell once more, but before he would allow those tears to start falling again, he leaned in and let his lips meet hers softly, pressing gently. They lingered for just a few seconds and then parted, but only slightly. He leant his forehead against hers and ran his hand over the back of her hair, "You take care…. And enjoy it Emily." He whispered.

"I'll try." She uttered.

"You'll knock 'em dead. Just like you did us." He added.

Before she could reply, he pecked at her lips again and pulled away.

"C'mon, it's time to go." He muttered, fighting against every instinct.

She nodded and smiled sweetly, "Ok…. But I'll speak to you soon."

"When you land." He told her, ending with a wink.

"Of course." She chuckled.

He took her hand and guided her their last few steps…. As far as _he_ could go. As they halted, he squeezed her small hand tight and she turned, entwining her fingers between his. She reached up and gave him one last kiss and as her lips lingered on his, just barely, she whispered into him, "I love you….. I'll see you later", before loosing her grip and walking away.

She couldn't say goodbye….

And she couldn't look back…. Not just because tears now streamed down her face, but because she wanted to remember that smile as she kissed him, not the pained expression she guessed was painted on his face right now.

That pained expression that watched her slowly wind her way through security until eventually her small frame was merely an outline in the distance and he mouthed, _I love you too_ as she entirely disappeared from sight.

He climbed into his SUV and reached for the ignition, but something caught his eye. Sat on the passenger seat was a book. He recognised it…. The oldest book she had that had been given to her by her grandfather which had once belonged to his father. She kept it on the top book shelf in her bedroom and when she had shown it him, she handled it as though it was a thin piece of fragile glass.

He carefully picked it up and spied the note sticking out from between the browned pages. Sliding it out gently, he held it in front to read…. _Look after it for me. I'll miss you. All my love Emily x_

Listening to plane after plane take off, his hands gripped on the steering wheel tighter and tighter until they shook a little….

She was gone….

And so there was no point in sitting there anymore… And he wouldn't of, but for the tears blinding him.


End file.
